Monthly Archive for July, 2010

Musical Chairs at American Idol

Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler is strongly rumored to be a new judge on Fox's "American Idol."

Depending on your opinion of Aerosmith, you may want to close your eyes and/or fall asleep when frontman Steven Tyler appears as a judge on the next season of "American Idol." Then again, you may not want to miss a thing.

Despite its ratings juggernaut status, it’s no secret that American Idol has been in decline for the past few seasons, and with Simon Cowell bowing out at the end of the most recent season, it was only a matter of time before the brain trust at Fox decided to shake things up, and apparently that shakeup is happening now. Ellen DeGeneres has stepped down, noting that it was hard for her “to judge people and sometimes hurt their feelings.” With both Ellen and Simon gone, the Fox brass have apparently axed the only remaining judge with two capital letters in her last name, the barely-famous Kara DioGuardi, leaving Randy Jackson as the only returning Idol judge.

Depending on your opinion of the show, though, it’s not all bad news. TMZ has it on good authority that none other than Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler will come in to replace Simon and/or Ellen in the show’s more traditional three judge format next season. Numerous outlets have also reported that Jennifer “J-Lo” Lopez will be filling the third judging slot, leaving us with a Randy, J-Lo, Steven Tyler panel.

All these moves seem to make sense for the somewhat-ailing show, and although J-Lo has struggled to remain relevant of late, she’s certainly still a reasonably big star and much more famous (and likely coherent, though we admit that was part of the draw) than Paula Abdul was at any point during her American Idol run. Steven Tyler is also an interesting judge, though based on Aerosmith’s more recent commercial endeavors, one might question his ability to say no. Regardless, we know that Tyler’s at least good for a season or two of awesomeness followed by three decades of sucky mediocrity.

Jellystone, It’s Not: Yellowstone Bears Not Friendly, Want to Eat You

Winnie the Pooh stands respectfully next to a man in a suit

Outside of this kind of rare, executive-level interaction, people are advised to avoid bears at all costs. Seriously.

Since we’re in the midst of summer vacation season and camping is high on a lot of vacation lists, we thought it only fair to warn you about the dangers of bears. Though they’re presented by the mainstream media as cute rascals who only want a taste of your “pic-i-nic basket”, the truth is far closer to what Stephen Colbert has been warning us about: they’re cold-blooded killers. Just yesterday they struck at the heart of American camping at Yellowstone National Park. Attacking a crowded group of campsites in the Montana portion of the park in the middle of the night, the bears were merciless, killing one camper and injuring two more. As much as we joke about it, it’s really important to be safe when camping, and although it looks like these folks had done everything right, safely locking up their food (bears do love hotdogs), it ultimately failed to protect them from the wrath of an angry bear.

You’d think that with so many people camping that fatal bear attacks would be fairly frequent, but as this chart shows, lately there haven’t been more than two or three a year, although geographically the encounters stretch from places like Tennessee and Pennsylvania to Wyoming, New Mexico and all across Canada. It seems that out in the wild, there’s nowhere to hide. Let’s be careful out there.

What’s So Magic About Apple’s Magic Trackpad?

Apple's new, wireless Magic Trackpad, pictured next to Apple's matching wireless Bluetooth keyboard.

Finally–a Post-It Note stand that matches my keyboard!

If it seems like only yesterday that Apple unveiled their latest desktop peripheral, the new Magic Trackpad, that’s because it was only yesterday. More so than any Apple product we can remember, though, we’re asking ourselves, “Why?” Ever since mice went optical and added those scroll wheels, they’ve been pretty much perfect. They’re fantastic for moving a cursor around our increasingly large screens, and without any mouse balls and rollers to de-gunk they’re basically maintenance-free, save for batteries on the wireless models.

Which brings us to the Magic Trackpad. Simply put, it’s a really big wireless (Bluetooth) laptop-style trackpad for use on your desktop. It supports all of the fun gestures (two fingers to scroll, pinch to zoom, etc.) that newer Apple laptops employ, provided you’re using Mac OS 10.6.4 or newer. Again, we ask, “Why?”

Trackpads exist and indeed dominate the laptop/notebook/netbook category because they’re portable and easy to build into a smaller, folding computer. It’s nice that they support those trendy gestures, and yes, they’re really nicely implemented on Macs, but that doesn’t mean we’re dying for them on the desktop. By far the most useful gesture is the two-fingered swipe that scrolls the active window. This gesture is extremely useful because on your laptop, it’s a huge pain to move the cursor over to a scroll bar using the trackpad, and using the arrow keys (or spacebar to page down) while using the trackpad is uncomfortable at best. Over a desktop though, you don’t have to make those tradeoffs. It’s easy to mouse over to the scroll bar if you’re so inclined. If that’s too far, it’s also easy to scroll with your keyboard while keeping your other hand on the mouse. If that’s not your bag, it’s exceedingly likely that you have a mouse with some kind of scrolling device built into it. (If you don’t, they can be had for under six dollars. You’re welcome.)

Look, we like Apple as much as the next person, and maybe even a little more. Heck, we’re down with the Magic Mouse, which is after all just a mouse with a non-traditional scrolling mechanic and some (decent) extra features. The point here is that the Magic Trackpad is a solution without a problem. More accurately, it’s an inferior solution to a problem that’s already been solved.

Justin Bieber Will Lead the Zombie Uprising on His Segway


We knew heartthrob and music industry puppet/hoax Justin Bieber had power over his fans, but as the video above shows, things are getting ridiculous. This past weekend Justin played a show in Glendale, Arizona at the Jobing.com Arena (yes, we think it should have two b’s too). Conveinetly enough, the arena is just across the parking lot from the Westgate City Center outdoor mall. Presumably Justin wanted to unwind a little bit before the show, so like any teenage boy he naturally decided to take a relaxing cruise around the parking lot in his Segway, all by his lonesome. Not surprisingly, just like everyone else he looks like an even bigger tool riding a Segway. Also not surprising: he wasn’t alone for very long.

Indeed, as you’ll see in the video, Justin has some kind of incredible power that turns teen girls into mindless shrieking zombies that live only to follow/trample him. We’re convinced that strategically deployed (and perhaps in a golf cart instead of a Segway), a Bieber-led column of teens could sweep through the Korean DMZ and be in Pyongyang in less than 48 hours. Come to think of it, maybe North Korea winning Justin’s contest wasn’t Kim Jong-il‘s plan at all…perhaps it was Justin’s plan to unite the two Koreas by force.

Regardless of its potential to alter the global political landscape, it’s clear that Justin is now wielding an incredible power, and despite the current vampire craze, it’s clear that we really need to beware of Bieber Fever turning our nation’s teen girls into zombies.

Woot-Off Alert Level: Orange

A chart illustrating the different levels of Woot-Off Alerts

The current Woot-Off Alert Level is ORANGE, which means a Woot-Off is imminent.

It’s been roughly four weeks since the last Woot-Off, which of course means we’re due for another. Woot may throw the Woot-Off switch as soon as Tuesday, but it’s of course possible they’ll wait until Wednesday or even Thursday, as they did last month. In light of the fact that we’re of the position that Woot really needs to either make Woot-Offs scheduled events or greatly increase the randomness of their occurrence (we favor the latter), we’re unveiling a new blog feature today, the Juggle Woot-Off Alert Level. Seriously, the folks at Woot mask the Woot-Off schedule about as well as the Department of Defense hides classified documents about the war in Afghanistan. Speaking of the government, our scale is modeled after the Department of Homeland Security‘s beloved “Threat Advisory System,” our scale also includes five color coded levels of alert, ranging from green (No risk of Woot-Off) to red (Woot-Off in progress!).

Since we’re due for a Woot-Off as soon as tomorrow, we’re setting the Woot-Off Alert Level at orange, which means that there’s a very high risk of a Woot-Off in the immediate future. Going forward we’ll of course continue to let you know when a Woot-Off hits, as well as when the Woot-Off Alert Level changes. In the meantime, please remain vigilant.

Internet! Now at the Speed of France!

A political map of France created by the French government

This official map from the French government shows the areas of France where the country's official website, France.fr is currently available in bright red.

Last week, the French government launched an exciting new website, France.fr to provide information to visitors in French, English and other languages. The site also aimed provide links and info on life in France–things like working, studying, starting a business, etc. All in all, very noble, and somehow, very French.

As TechCrunch reported last week, though, things quickly went awry. The site was only up for a few hours before it came crashing down, and when it was up it was apparently mostly broken links and hilariously bad translations. Still, this isn’t uncommon when a new site is launched. What is uncommon is that the site has remained down ever since, with the explanation of what went wrong already changing a few times. Right now, potential tourists/visitors/students/investors/immigrants are presented with a static error page informing that the “complete and complex site” is down pending an audit of what went wrong. The good news is that it will only take them until the “second half of August” to get things working again.

No that’s not a typo. Apparently in France it’s no big deal to launch a new website and then just have it down for over a month. After all, it’s the summer time, and in France this means that much of the country just shuts down. While this would admittedly be awesome for us if we lived in France, in today’s globalized world, it makes the country seem ridiculously out of touch when they launch a big, fancy national website only to have it break and remain broken for months. Even some actual French people think this is ridiculous, and a few French website, France.fr.has-failed.com, is letting users predict when France.fr will actually go live. TechCrunch reports that the leading guess is currently December 21, 2012. While the French may just shrug and say “C’est la vie,” we’re more tempted to say “Internet à la vitesse de la France!” which means “Internet at the speed of France!”

Worlds Collide: Jimmy Johnson to Compete on the Next Season of Survivor

Football coach and Survivor contestant Jimmy Johnson

This fall on CBS, Jimmy Johnson's "Survivor" appearance may finally answer many of the questions we have about his hair.

When we think of Survivor, we think of torches being over-dramatically extinguished and of that too clever by half Jeff Probst. We also think of rough living outdoors and eating rats. One thing we don’t think of is a certain carefully bronzed and delicately coiffed senior citizen/football pundit, but that’s just what we’re going to get this fall when Survivor: Nicaragua airs on CBS, because former University of Miami and Dallas Cowboys head coach and current Fox NFL Sunday studio analyst Jimmy Johnson is going to be one of the competitors.

We’re aware that Jimmy has extensive experience and a great track record pushing the limits of a game and staying (mostly) within the rules, skills which should serve him well in Nicaragua. However, Jimmy also (apparently) has a record of using lots of hair product and frequently dining out, which might make things a little difficult for him. He’s been trying to get on Survivor for a while, but failed a physical before the show went to Gabon and thus wasn’t allowed to compete. He’s since lost weight and been cleared to play, making him the second-oldest contestant in the show’s history.

While we can’t be sure how he’ll do, if he’s not voted out early Jimmy could make it pretty far. He’s nothing if not a master motivator/manipulator, and combined with his penchant for shameless hucksterism, these talents could take him pretty far. We’re mostly worried about what will happen to his hair.

Is Flipboard the iPad’s Killer App?

An iPad running the new Flipboard app rests on a pile of newspapers

Flipboard thinks its iPad app is the future of magazines. We were kind of hoping the future didn't include such lame glasses.

Egoblogger and Rackspace employee Robert Scoble has struck again, this time grabbing an “exclusive” first look at Flipboard, a “social news” iPad app that Ashton Kutcher (!) has described as “revolutionary.” The app is free and available now, and although we don’t have an iPad to try it on, we’re going to talk you through it anyway.

The first thing you should know about Flipboard is that it’s dependent on your Facebook and Twitter feeds. Using those feeds as info sources, it pulls together the various articles and photos your friends and the people you follow have liked or tweeted or linked or whatevered and presents the whole thing as a very pretty magazine (PC World has a decent overview). It’s actually not a bad idea, though the whole thing relies on you actually following interesting people on Twitter and having interesting friends on Facebook. We’re not too excited to read a “magazine” that’s all about our cousin’s Farmville exploits. Thankfully you can also have Flipboard pull stories from your Instapaper account, so it’s unlikely you’ll ever be without something decent to read.

If you’re thinking that this might seem like bad news for publishers once Flipboard starts running ads next to stories, Scoble’s thinking something similiar and has some fairly-extensive thoughts. What we see as the real problem here is that the trend towards all this customization of media on the Internet means that actual content (text, pictures) has become so frequently divorced from its original source (where all those money-making ads) lived, that there’s soon going to be no way to make money off this stuff except via some sick form of product placement. That however, is a topic for another post.

Also on the downside it seems like Flipboard servers have been overloaded as iPad owners jump on the snowball Scobleizer kicked off yesterday. Things have gotten so bad that as of this writing it looks like Flipboard has implemented or is implementing an invite system for new accounts, which they’re hoping will slow things down as they work to upgrade their capacity. Hopefully this means we’ll get an invite by the time we get an iPad.

We Landed on the Moon!

It’s true! 41 years ago today Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin stepped out of the Apollo 11 lunar lander and into history as the first people to visit the moon. Although NASA has recently abandoned plans to return to the moon in the name of science (to be fair it seems like there’s little left to learn there), we still hold out hope that someday we’ll be able to visit the moon. This newfangled space tourism is nice, of course, but orbiting earth is one thing. Playing 18 holes on the moon, where just about anyone can drive the ball 500+ yards, is something else entirely. An indoor pool with a diving board would also be a blast, because you could easily launch yourself 15-20 feet up off of it without much effort. Come to think of it, this whole moon vacation idea is starting to sound pretty good, which of course means we’re not the first folks to think of it. Not surprisingly, the folks at Space Adventures Ltd. who sell trips to the International Space Station have a $100 million-a-seat trip to the moon planned as well, but there’s a catch. You only get to go around the moon and look at it through an 18-inch window. No golf. No swimming pool. No tennis or racquetball or even shuffleboard and certainly no moon cocktails as you watch the earth rise over the horizon.

Thinking about it, until we’re really ready to do the moon right, a trip probably isn’t worth it. Do let us know if and when timeshares become available though.

Tiger Woods Has Learned Nothing

Tiger Woods of the United States drops his putter after missing an eagle putt on the 18th green during the second round of the British Open Golf Championship on the Old Course at St. Andrews, Scotland, Friday, July 16, 2010. (AP Photo/Peter Morrison)

It feels as if Tiger and his putter have become distant lately... (AP Photo/Peter Morrison)

This past weekend at the British Open, Tiger Woods continued his streak of not winning golf tournaments since his numerous infidelities came to light and his marriage disintegrated. While this should surprise no one given how he’s played since his dalliances came to light, some of his choices on the course demonstrate that he still hasn’t learned his lesson. After years of using a Titleist Scotty Cameron Newport 2 putter, Tiger decided to try something new this weekend at St. Andrews in Scotland, opting to use a Nike Method putter instead.

Shockingly, this switch worked just about as well for Tiger’s golf game as the whole “hanging out” with women other than his wife thing worked out for his marriage. By Sunday, Tiger had switched back to his old putter, but of course by then it was too late. Though we were as eager as anyone to see Tiger turn his life around and resume his successes both on and off the course, this putter switching makes it hard to believe he’s learned anything at all. It may seem trivial, but considering just how analogous the whole situation is to his marriage it’s hard not to draw conclusions that don’t reflect pretty poorly on Tiger.

Even if you’re inclined to think we’re reading too much into this, it’s hard to believe that putter selection is really what made a golfer of Tiger’s caliber lose yesterday. Then again, maybe Tiger’s just not a very good golfer anymore. A bad workman always blames his tools.