Monthly Archive for August, 2010

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North Korea Joins Twitter and YouTube. Nonsensical Tweets, Videos Follow.

North Korean leader Kim Jong-il at a computer-equipped school

Kim Jong-il teaches a young propagandist the best way to confuse and amuse the outside world as lackeys take copious notes. Awesome sunglasses are apparently key.

We’ve made no secret of the fact that North Korea is the communist dictatorship that we most love to mock/ ridicule/ hate/ puzzle over, so it should come as no surprise that we’re all over the exciting news that the Hermit Kingdom has joined both Twitter and YouTube. As the New York Times reported yesterday, the North Koreans have recently begun posting to both YouTube and Twitter under the auspices of their Committee for the Peaceful Reunification of Korea, which the Times describes as “a propaganda agency.” Fittingly, the US State Department‘s spokesman Philip Crowley has just welcomed the North Koreans to the interwebs in a series of tweets that point out that the magic of connected communication is destined to spread to even North Korea sooner or later.
Continue reading ‘North Korea Joins Twitter and YouTube. Nonsensical Tweets, Videos Follow.’

France is Back! In Website Form!

Renault's Le Car in a vintage publicity shot

France.fr might just be the best thing to come out of France since Renault's Le Car, but is that a good thing?

Just like Alf, France is back! (Though not, thankfully, in Pog form.) Remember that ill-fated website they tried to launch last month? Remember how we mercilessly mocked the French both for cause and out of petty jealousy over their generous social welfare system which includes lengthy August holidays? Well, apparently in the new France things happen a little faster, because here we are, barely in the second half of August and lo and behold–france.fr is back and actually (somewhat) functional.

Of course, now that they website itself is up, we can’t make fun of it being unavailable. But we can make fun of the site itself, or at least point out some shortcomings. For example, although the homepage is fairly snappy, orderly-looking and well translated (we’ll get to that in a second), once you click a couple of links deep, you end up getting sent to other French government websites that aren’t in English. For example, if you want to know how internships work in France, you might end up on this page at france.fr, which offers a basic explanation of how internships work. The problem is that all the links on the page direct you, without warning, to French-only sites like this one, which we think is a list of questions you should ask about internship openings ( or “vacancies on offer” in the parlance of their translator. This is true throughout the site and is a major shortcoming considering the site’s ambition to be the world’s source for just this kind of information.

Speaking of translating, about halfway down the site’s homepage, on the left in blue text there’s a link entitled “Becoming an auto-entrepreneur.” Our immediate thought was “Wow, the French must have an amazing program to encourage automotive startups.” Imagine our surprise when we clicked the link to discover that it has something to do with an official government status sought by the unemployed. Since the the (French language) links on the page didn’t help to explain anything, we consulted Google Translate, which taught us that the French term auto-entrepreneur has nothing to do with cars or the auto industry and in fact means simply, “self-contractor.” In this context, of course, the whole page makes much more sense. Maybe the French government needs to rethink who they hire to translate.

Hilariously, the more things change at france.fr, the more they stay the same. At least we’ll always have Paris.

Crazy Idea: Make the NFL Preseason Count for Something

Empty seats are quite common during the NFL preseason.

Despite the fact that teams force season ticket holders to buy full price tickets to preseason games, this picture of a Falcons preseason game at the Georgia Dome is representative of both preseason attendance and fan interest.

With the 2010 NFL regular season looming next month, the preseason football has kicked off in earnest. With the Cowboys-Bengals game at the Pro Football Hall of Fame getting record ratings, preseason football looks to be here to stay in some form or another for the foreseeable future, though it may be reduced from four games to two if an 18-game regular season ever comes to pass. The problem with the preseason, if you like football, is that the games are missing the thing that makes football at all levels interesting. Namely, that all the games matter.

Because of the physical nature of football, most levels of the game outside the NFL have seasons consisting of no more than a dozen or so games. Because there are so few games relative to other sports, the outcome of an individual football game almost always matters much more than the outcome of an individual regular-season baseball game, for instance. Everyone’s always going all out because they have to, and while it’s nice to see the backups and bubble third-stringers hustle to make the team, and doubtless they’re giving the game their all, it’s obvious the coaches are mostly trying not to get anyone injured or give away any tactical secrets.

The simple fact is that the because the outcome of the games doesn’t matter the games themselves are terrible, and both life and the football season are too short for lousy football. How to fix this? We’re glad you asked. We’ve got an idea so crazy it just might work, built on the premise that for preseason football to become quality football, something must be at stake for the teams, and not just the undrafted rookies desperate to make the team.

Our idea is simple, and far from revolutionary: Make a team’s preseason record a draft order tiebreaker. Right now the NFL draft order is rightly determined by the previous year’s winning percentage, and though there are tiebreakers like divisional and conference records, after that a coin is tossed. Why not add preseason winning percentage as another tiebreaker? The twist here would be that in the event of a tie after all the current tiebreakers, the better draft pick would go to the team with a better preseason record, all other things being equal. Giving the team with the better preseason record a better pick makes sense because it (correctly) assumes that every team has an equal chance of winning each preseason game, while at the same time providing just enough incentive to insure that coaches will make a good-faith effort to win the game. The incentive to win is there, but it’s not a big enough deal to risk starters over, but at the same time it’s something, and something might be just enough to give us quality football starting in August.

Net Neutrality (Non-) Shocker! AT&T Mobile CEO Loves Google/Verizon Proposal

AT&T Mobility CEO Raph de la Vega

Though he might try to hide behind his mustache and the multiple words in his last name, make no mistake: AT&T Mobility CEO Ralph de la Vega wants a non-neutral Internet.

Though we discussed it a bit a few days ago, the reactions to Google and Verizon‘s “net neutrality” proposal from major Internet and communications players are starting to roll in. Not surprisingly, FCC Commissioner Michael Copps was quick to voice his disapproval, noting that it was time to “put the interests of consumers in front of the interests of giant corporations.” And while we couldn’t agree with Copps more completely, color us not surprised that AT&T Mobility CEO Ralph de la Vega voiced his support for the effort at a recent industry conference, where he observed that the proposal “is good for the industry.”

That’s putting it mildly, Ralph. Though we didn’t harp on it before, in the near term the adoption of the Google and Verizon proposal would be a gold mine for the wireless industry because the new rule would be that as long as they told you how they were manipulating data traffic, there would be no rules! Using the incredibly odd justification that wireless broadband (i.e. the data on your phone or 3G wireless card) “is different” and “changing rapidly” Google and Verizon have decided they’d like to be able to, among other things, take money to make certain sites or types of data faster or slower over wireless. This makes about as much sense as having different airbag requirements for cars that run on diesel gas instead of unleaded. WAP and its ilk are dead, and the Internet we get on our phones is the same Internet we get on our computers.

Though you might be initially sympathetic to this “wireless is different argument” (particularly if you’ve ever tried to use an AT&T data connection in Manhattan or San Francisco), keep in mind that development of wired Internet infrastructure in the US has basically stopped. In the not-too-distant future, most US Internet connections will be wireless. Under the Google/Verizon plan, they’d also be non-neutral. This might make execs like Ralph de la Vega and their companies rich for a brief period, but it would also kill the innovation and openness that makes the current Internet something we love.

Dan Quayle’s Son Ben Calls Obama “Worst President in History,” Doesn’t Mention Worst Vice President

Son of Pot, meet Kettle. In the most hilarious irony we’ve encountered thus far this election cycle, none other than Dan “Potatoe” Qualye‘s son, Ben Quayle has unleashed what we think he thinks is a scathing campaign ad about how he’ll shake things up in Washington. (Ben) Quayle, who’s running for Congress in Arizona’s 3rd district, opens the spot by telling the camera “Barack Obama is the worst president in history,” and proceeds to announce that someone (presumably a pedigreed young Republican like himself), needs to go to Washington and “knock the hell out of the place.” As Time points out, Quayle comes across looking “like a supervillain giving his list of demands.”

Worse, he comes across as ignorant. It’s notoriously difficult to judge a president’s relative quality while he’s in office, particularly inside the first half of his first term. So far Obama’s done nothing approaching the level that it traditionally takes to make it to the bottom of the presidential rankings. The most-frequently cited “worst presidents” are those that got us into the Civil War (Franklin Pierce, James Buchanan) and the one most credited with bungling reconstruction and giving rise to the “Jim Crow” south (Andrew Johnson). Also in most “worst” lists (including this one from Siena College and this one from C-SPAN) are Warren G. “Return to Normalcy” Harding, who was noted for his corrupt cabinet, and George W. Bush, who got us involved in not one, but two unpopular wars. Needless to say, it seems like Obama has his work cut out for him if he’s to join this esteemed bunch.

Former Vice President (and father of Ben) Dan Quayle had already done his work though, ranking as the 14th worst Vice President in history, according to this Time ranking, which notes his penchant for verbal blunders and his performance on the receiving end of Lloyd Bentsen’s 1988 VP debate beatdown. Fourteenth place puts Dan Quayle just behind bribe recipient Spiro Agnew and ahead of waterboarding supporter and tortue advocate Dick Cheney.

Hopefully his father’s fame as one of the worst Vice Presidents in history won’t dissuade Ben from reaching for the stars (so far it seems it hasn’t). If he runs a solid campaign this fall he’s well on his way to becoming, at worst, the 4th best Representative of Arizona’s 3rd district of all time, provided he can avoid shooing any burros.

You Say “Website,” I Say “Differentiated Service”- Where Were You When Google and Verizon Killed the Internet?

Google CEO Eric Schmidt and Verizon CEO Ivan Seidenberg

Despite the fact that they've never been photographed together, Google CEO Erich Schmidt and Verizon CEO Ivan Seidenberg have teamed up to destroy the Internet for the benefit of their shareholders.

As the New York Times reported late last week, and despite Google’s denials (which hinged on a minor technicality), Google and Verizon were indeed in agreement on a net neutrality deal/framework/policy, which they announced yesterday. Both Google and Verizon would have you believe that their proposed policy is full of rainbows and puppies and will keep the Internet awesome for everyone forever. Unfortunately, that’s far from the case as despite their words to the contrary, the proposal nearly completely exempts wireless Internet providers from the rules which it claims are so necessary for the rest of the Internet. (As a very sad CrunchGear article notes, this exemption makes the rest of the document about as relevant as new safety regulations for steam ships.) Additionally, GigaOm points out that the agreement, if adopted, would completely neuter the FCC’s enforcement and rule-making powers. Most egregiously, though the pact leaves a wide open hole for a tiered, discriminatory Internet.

This non-neutral Internet is outlined in the full Legislative Framework Proposal, under the “Additional Online Services” heading. The paragraph there describes how broadband providers could offer “any other additional or differentiated services,” and that these services “could include traffic prioritization,” which means that all the nice words above about not discriminating Internet traffic don’t apply to these “differentiated services.” The proposal notes that these new services would have to be distinguishable from regular Internet service and that the FCC would “immediately report” if they were to notice someone circumventing this rule, but that’s about it.

So what are these “differentiated services?” Verizon and Google claim they might be things like “health care monitoring, the smart grid, advanced educational services, or new entertainment and gaming options.” Basically, these would be the premium channels to the basic cable of the Internet, since these differentiated services could, per the proposal, “make use of or access Internet content, applications or services,” which as we understand it would by definition make them part of the Internet proper.

When you think about potential “differentiated services,” it might be helpful to think about HBO. You could look at HBO in a couple of ways. On the one hand, it looks an awful lot like a lot of other cable channels. It broadcasts TV shows and movies, some of which you may have seen elsewhere somehow and some of which are entirely unique to HBO. On the other hand, you could (as cable and satellite companies do) call HBO a “differentiated service.” After all, it features special HBO-only shows, movies and events and doesn’t have commercials, which makes it different from some (but not all) traditional broadcast and cable/satellite networks. See where we’re going here? The line between categorizing HBO as one of many television networks or as a “differentiated service” is so fine as to be essentially non-existant.

If we were to extend this logic to the Internet (as Google and Verizon purpose), what makes Facebook another website and not a “differentiated service?” After all, it offers by far the largest social network on the Internet in addition to legions of exclusive Facebook apps, events and contests. For a more real-world example, take a look at ESPN3. We’ve already noted how to get around their draconian, ISP-based access restrictions, but in a world where the Verizon/Google proposal was the law, your ISP would not only be paying ESPN for the privilege of access to ESPN3 content, but could also be actively prioritizing that content over things that you might rather be watching, be they sports from another provider, videos from Hulu or Netflix (which are probably also “differentiated services” themselves) or, most importantly, content fron the next great Internet startup we haven’t heard of yet.

It’s that last possibility we should worry about, because right now the Internet is all about awesome new ideas, not who has the deepest pockets to pay ISPs. Let’s hope we can keep it that way.

Why Exactly Did HP CEO Mark Hurd Resign?

Actress and former HP consultant Jodie Fisher is at the center of the investigation that resulted in the resignation of HP CEO Mark Hurd

Everyone involved agrees that former HP CEO Mark Hurd didn't sexually harass or have any kind of sexual contact or relationship with this woman. Really. So why was he fired?

In classic August Friday fashion, Hewlett-Packard announced late last week that CEO Mark Hurd had resigned after a sexual-harassment investigation. No surprise here, right? Just the usual, “sketchy, philandering CEO is busted and resigns in shame” deal. Except that sexual-harassment investigation actually cleared Hurd, finding that he hadn’t violated HP’s sexual-harassment policy. The woman involved, a onetime “Skinemax” and Age of Love star Jodie Fisher has made it clear that although she received a private settlement from Hurd, they never had an affair or sexual relationship.

Why did Hurd get the axe, then? The official HP line is that during the course of the sexual-harassment investigation, the company discovered some expense report discrepancies involving dinners with Fisher. These expense report snafus, which Hurd has since repaid, “demonstrated a profound lack of judgment that seriously undermined his credibility and damaged his effectiveness in leading HP,” so the HP Board of Directors asked for and received Hurd’s resignation. This all seems to make sense, except for the fact that CEOs don’t get fired for expense report irregularities, especially expense report irregularities amounting to less than $20,000.

We’re left then, with a couple of possibilities:

  1. HP has unusually high ethical standards for a corporation of its size and as such refuses to tolerate any expense report shenanigans from anyone, even its high-performing CEO.
    or
  2. Whatever HP’s sexual-harassment investigation found out about Mark Hurd was so strange/weird/gross that the company had to let him go immediately and pray that the whole truth never came out, hence the whole expense report issue. This possibility is also intriguing because in this context Jodie Fisher’s statements of regret and her denials of any sexual contact with Hurd make a lot more sense. The irregular expense reports are probably legitimate, but in this scenario they’re just a side effect of whatever was really going on that got Mark Hurd fired.
  3. There’s also a third possibility, which is best defined as “none of the above.” We’re inclined to call this the most likely case, and, in the absence of any other details emerging, call this case closed.

Happy (Tax) Holidays!

The official Tennessee Sales Tax Holiday Logo

It's August, when even sales tax takes time off to lounge and enjoy a cold beverage beneath an umbrella. Look- he's even gone and gotten a regrettable "sale" face tattoo! (This is the official Tennessee Sales Tax Holiday logo.)

It’s that time again! As August dawns the dreaded “Back to School” time is upon us, and thought we can’t all go Rodney Dangerfield and hire the late Kurt Vonnegut to write our papers, many of us can save some money with the state sales tax holidays in effect this weekend. A whopping twelve states will waive the state sales tax on clothing, footwear, school supplies and in some cases even computers (details here). Starting today you can enjoy savings in Alabama, Illinois, Iowa, Louisiana, Missouri, New Mexico, North Carolina, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Tennessee, and Virginia. Maryland will join the party on Sunday.

How and why did all of this get started? According to this report from the University of Michigan, tax holidays date all the way back to 1997, when the Spice Girls, R. Kelly and Hanson ruled the airwaves and everyone in New York went to New Jersey to buy clothing to avoid the state’s clothing sales tax. Following a very successful weeklong holiday for both consumers and retailers, the idea has spread across the country to 19 states this year. Though the holidays might seem like a bad idea for governments in these lean fiscal times, the Michigan report, from their Center for Local, State, and Urban Policy, concludes that the holidays generate increased revenue for businesses at a fairly small cost to governments. Moreover, the holidays don’t seem to affect purchases outside the month of the tax holiday (and the holidays are usually held during slow shopping months anyway), so the overall loss of tax revenue to states is minimal. For once, it looks like everyone wins!

Wyclef Jean? The Musician? Who’s Vice President-Flo Rida?

Musical artist Wyclef Jean will soon announce that he's running for president of Haiti

We're not sure if it translates into French and/or Creole, but we suggest "Wy not Wyclef?" as a campaign slogan.

Once again, the rumors starting to look like they’re true. Tonight on CNN‘s Larry King Live (“Where a very old man asks very easy questions”), former Fugees member and recording star Wyclef Jean will announce that he’s running for president of Haiti this fall. Since the earthquake earlier this year, Jean, who was born in Haiti and lived there until he was nine, has been at the forefront of the effort to raise funds for disaster relief. Haiti was of course also in a pretty bad way before the earthquake, so the door’s wide open for a popular and well-known political outsider like Jean to run a credible campaign.

On the negative side for Jean, unlike the US, Haiti has no history of electing performers to high office, but the fact that he’s a musician should help here. If he were a TV/film star like Ronald Reagan or Arnold Schwarzenegger, he might be hurt by the lack of TV penetration in Haiti, but since radio is much more accesible, Jean should be fine. We’d love to suggest a suitable running mate for Wyclef, a-la Doc Brown in Back to the Future, and thanks to this handy list of notable Haitians, we’re nominating Flo Rida to complete the ticket. Although he was born in Florida and seems to be American, we’re sure the fact that he’s on a Wikipedia list of Haitians will be proof enough for Haitian election authorities. Just think of the campaign jams they could collaborate on! Jean/Rida 2010!

Dog Eats Man’s Toe, Discovers His Diabetes

Wilford Bimley juxtaposed with a cat that closely resembles him

Diabeetus! The web is chock full of pictures of cats that look like Wilford Brimley, and even a few walruses. Sadly, we were unable to locate any dogs that look like Wilford, which would have been the perfect accompaniment to this post. Oh well.

Man bites dog” may be an old journalism trope, but “dog bites man” rarely makes the cut as a news story. Unless that story hilariously awesome. First, Michigan resident Jerry Douthett got himself drunk. Really drunk. (On delicious margaritas!) Then, not surprisingly, Jerry passed out on his bed. Not long afterwards Jerry woke up and began screaming, because his dog (a lovable terrier named Kiko) had eaten one of his toes.

So far this sounds like a reasonably typical tale of drunken tradgedy tinged with hilarity (did we mention the margaritas?), but the real twist is what happened next. When Jerry arrived at the hospital it was discovered that he has type II diabetes, and in fact the dog had bitten off most of a bone infection that had sprung up in his foot as result of the disease. As ABC News reports, Kiko is being hailed as a hero, but is also being watched for signs of rabies.

In the meantime, we’ll remind everyone that noted “diabeetus” sufferer Wilford Brimley was right. Since not everyone will get drunk enough to pass out and have a dog eat their diabetic toe, the best solution is to, as Uncle Wilford says, “Check your blood sugar. Check it often.” It’s a strategy that’s kept Wilford going for 75 years now, and will doubtless keep him spry enough to join the Antareans when they return for their cocoons. Until that day though, we’ll paraphrase and just say “Check your blood sugar before you wreck your blood sugar.”