Archive for the 'Medicine' Category

St. Louis Cardinals’ Coach Tony LaRussa Diagnosed with Shingles, Not Pink Eye

By: Zack Stovall, May 11, 2011 in Celebrities, Medicine and Sports. 1 Comment Tags: , , , .

I AM NOT AN ANIMAL! I AM A HUMAN BEING!

St. Louis Cardinals Skipper Tony LaRussa is one of baseball’s greatest managers of all time. He is one of only two managers to win a World Series in both the American and National Leagues, and is within the top five in nearly every category measured for winning coaches, not to mention the Cards are never too far removed from first place in the National League’s Central Division. He is almost certainly a first-ballot Hall of Famer.

But looking at him and his wretched disfigurement this season has put my stomach in knots.

Early this season, analysts and fans began to notice a slight protuberance and swelling on his right eye. Brushing it off as a minor, albeit painful, case of conjunctivitis, otherwise known as pink eye, LaRussa was still just as focused, committed and even fun-loving, still hitting fungoes in batting practice (even with one eye swollen shut).

Then the swelling worsened, and became discolored. Then it kept swelling and discoloring. Then you were like, “Gosh, that looks really terrible he should probably get that taken care of, and fast.” THEN IT KEPT SWELLING AND DISCOLORING.

Eventually the swelling and discoloration subsided, but only slightly. Last night, LaRussa had to miss the first game of the oft-ballyhooed Cubs/Cards series in Chicago with bench coach Joe Pettini filling in, as the head coach was in Phoenix at the Mayo Clinic. It was determined that LaRussa has shingles, a painful, rashy virus akin to chicken pox. With medicine, rest and other doctors’ orders being fulfilled, LaRussa should be able to return after the Cardinals road trip to Chicago and Cincinnati.

Here’s to hoping the Cardinals‘ skipper looks more like the old ball coach we’re used to, and less like an Eli Roth horror film.

Rep. Gabrielle Giffords Cleared to Attend Astronaut Husband’s Shuttle Launch

By: Zack Stovall, April 25, 2011 in Government, Medicine and Politics. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

Wonder Woman

If the phrase “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” holds true, expect Rep. Gabrielle Giffords (D-Arizona) to start bench pressing cars any day now.

The Congresswoman, who was brutally attacked in January 8, 2011 by a lone gunman, Jared Lee Loughner, has been rehabilitating since the assassination attempt in Houston, Texas. While holding a meet-and-greet at a grocery store in Tucson, Arizona’s state capitol, Loughner opened fire, shooting Giffords directly in the head, killing nine others while injuring several before being subdued. Numerous reports coming from the the day of the incident first claimed that Giffords has been so severely injured that she had died, however her status was later clarified as critical condition.

Slowly, Giffords began to show small signs of improvement. While still in critical condition and a medically-induced coma, she began to show signs of understanding, including gripping her husband’s hand, moving her eyes make making small gestures. The initial prognosis from doctors was grim, some doubting that she would ever walk again, others that she would even live through the rehabilitation. Giffords has been improving at a miraculous rate, beginning to engage in conversation, stand on her own and even walk around.

In fact, doctors say she is doing so well, she plans to be able to attend the shuttle launch of her astronaut husband, Mark E. Kelly. Kelly is the commander of the space shuttle Endeavor, and is scheduled to launch this Friday, with his wife and President Barack Obama on hand to watch the shuttle’s final mission.

Meat-Only Dukan Diet: FINALLLY A Diet To Which I Already Unwittingly Subscribe

By: Zack Stovall, April 19, 2011 in Celebrities, Food and Medicine. 0 Comments Tags: , , , .

Ron Swanson and the Dukan Diet : Peas and Carrots

Diet fads and trends come and go. The no-carb Atkins diet was all the rage in the early part of last decade, and my mom used to do something called “The South Beach Diet,” which never involved going to South Beach. Like the weight of those who subscribed to these diets, these fads tend to fluctuate, fall out of favor and most die off as soon as the next new weight loss gimmick, outside of conscious eating and an active lifestyle, comes along.

But that was before the Dukan Diet. That was before we saw the light.

The Dukan Diet, which relies on a heavy intake of pure protein found in my favorite food group, the meats, originated in France and a book detailing this dieting philosophy is due out next week. To further the hype, in England Kate Middleton, who later this month is marrying Prince William in a royal wedding to be viewed by millions of people worldwide, has been rumored to have lost a tremendous amount of weight in order to slim down for her wedding by employing the Dukan Diet. “THAT’S where I lost Prince William! THAT’S what I’ve been doing wrong!” said a lonely Price William fanatic/cat enthusiast woman in Santa Claus, Indiana.

The diet has four steps, in which you are gradually able to accept other foods outside of strict proteins into your body, eventually eating nothing but meat only one day per week. But why even incorporate other foods? If it ain’t broke, DO NOT FIX IT. I don’t know about you, but I and my friend Ron Swanson have been utilizing this all-protein lifestyle for sometime now, and I could not be any-….

…sorry, thought I was having a heart attack there. I could not be any healthier. So for those looking to slim down for the summer, maybe the Dukan Diet and a slab of ribs is just what the dietitian ordered.

Catherine Zeta-Jones Becomes the Really, Ridiculously Good Looking Face of Bipolar Disorder

By: Zack Stovall, April 14, 2011 in Celebrities, Medicine and Movies. 0 Comments Tags: , , , .

Catherine Zeta-Jones, the Welsh actress who has garnered an Academy Award and even a Tony for her performances and whose stunning beauty has turned plenty of heads over the years, recently announced that she has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, a mental illness marked by sudden mood swings from elation to somber depression (her form, bipolar II, is characterized by longer stretches of depression).

Stress can be a trigger to the disease, which has been known to strike virtually anyone at anytime. Her husband, actor Michael Douglas, had recently been struggling with his own bout of medical illness, battling cancer last year, and the stress therein is believed to have been a possible trigger.

As news of this comes to light, Zeta-Jones looks to be a prime candidate for spokesperson against the disease, much in the same way Michael J. Fox has become the face for Parkinson’s Disease. While cures may be unavailable right now for these damaging afflictions, celebrities are often the most fit to spearhead fundraisers and raise awareness about their respective diseases.

And while the subject of bipolar disorder may be a more somber topic, I for one look forward to seeing Catherine Zeta-Jones raise awareness about the disease. Mainly because I look forward to seeing Catherine Zeta-Jones doing anything at all, but hey, it’s for a good cause now.

Dog Eats Man’s Toe, Discovers His Diabetes

By: Sam, August 4, 2010 in Medicine. 0 Comments Tags: .

Wilford Bimley juxtaposed with a cat that closely resembles him

Diabeetus! The web is chock full of pictures of cats that look like Wilford Brimley, and even a few walruses. Sadly, we were unable to locate any dogs that look like Wilford, which would have been the perfect accompaniment to this post. Oh well.

“Man bites dog” may be an old journalism trope, but “dog bites man” rarely makes the cut as a news story. Unless that story hilariously awesome. First, Michigan resident Jerry Douthett got himself drunk. Really drunk. (On delicious margaritas!) Then, not surprisingly, Jerry passed out on his bed. Not long afterwards Jerry woke up and began screaming, because his dog (a lovable terrier named Kiko) had eaten one of his toes.

So far this sounds like a reasonably typical tale of drunken tradgedy tinged with hilarity (did we mention the margaritas?), but the real twist is what happened next. When Jerry arrived at the hospital it was discovered that he has type II diabetes, and in fact the dog had bitten off most of a bone infection that had sprung up in his foot as result of the disease. As ABC News reports, Kiko is being hailed as a hero, but is also being watched for signs of rabies.

In the meantime, we’ll remind everyone that noted “diabeetus” sufferer Wilford Brimley was right. Since not everyone will get drunk enough to pass out and have a dog eat their diabetic toe, the best solution is to, as Uncle Wilford says, “Check your blood sugar. Check it often.” It’s a strategy that’s kept Wilford going for 75 years now, and will doubtless keep him spry enough to join the Antareans when they return for their cocoons. Until that day though, we’ll paraphrase and just say “Check your blood sugar before you wreck your blood sugar.”